The Three Selves

Welcome to The Brighter Side of Everything.

This newsletter serves a simple purpose → To help you build optimism, resilience and a solution-focused perspective.

Each week, I’ll share actionable insights that not only brighten your day but position you to be a leader within your own life and seize life’s opportunities.

Read time: 20-30 minutes.

Hello, Brighter Side readers! ☀️

Thanks for continuing to show up and viewing (or learning to view) the world through an optimistic lens.

This week we’re looking at how we treat our past, present and future selves, and how a simple mental shift can turn regret into learning and pressure into peace.

There’s also the powerful story of Ernest Shackleton and what true optimism looks like in the face of uncertainty.

Plus a fresh, honest album that’s wedged it’s way into my regualr rotation.

If any of that feels like it might meet you where you are, read on and let’s move ourslves forward together.

See you on the Brighter Side,

Chris

P.S. Please feel free to send me feedback on how I can improve. I respond to every email.

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I’ve experienced all types of people across my lifetime.

Those who say YOLO (you only live once) and seize every opportunity today.

Ignoring the consequences of their future.

The ones who lock down today and focus on building a future 30 years from now.

Robbing themselves of joy and connection for large chunks of their life.

And those who find themselves mired in the memories and regrets of their past decisions.

Resulting in a constant cycle of reflection and what-ifs, preventing them from engaging with the present.

Each approach has its own set of challenges and rewards.

Finding a balance between living for today, planning for tomorrow and learning from the past is a delicate art that many fail to master throughout their lives.

So, which is the right approach?

That’s the question we’re discussing today.

Truth is, the majority of people lump themselves into a single identity across time.

Painting each phase of their life with the same brush.

The you from ten years ago.

The you that exists today.

The you ten years from now.

All judged with the same harsh lens or given the same easy pass.

No wonder it feels heavy and confusing.​

Our body, however, tells a very different story.

Over the course of our life, most of our cells are replaced.

Our brain, skin, gut, bones.

All of it.

So much of who we are is regenerated over time.

As a result, we aren’t the same person, inside or out, that we were years ago.

And we won’t be the same person years from now either.​

Psychology backs this up, but in a different way.

Researchers talk about “temporal selves” and “self-continuity.”

That is, how connected we feel to our past and future selves.

They’ve found that this sense of connection influences both our motivation and decision-making.

When you feel more connected to your future self?

You’re more likely to make choices today that benefit future you.

Like looking after your health or sticking with long-term goals.

There’s also the idea of “possible selves.”

Your vision of who you aspire to be (or who you dread becoming), powerfully influences your actions today.

This is where what I’ve started calling the three-selves philosophy comes in.

It’s a simple way of looking at your life across time.

Your past, your present and your future self.

They’re all you.

But each has different needs to ensure you grow with less regret.​

Think about the version of you from years ago.

The one who made choices that still make you cringe.

The words you wish you could take back.

The job you stayed in.

The chance you didn’t take.

The person you hurt.

It’s tempting to replay those scenes and judge yourself using today’s perspective.

But in all likelihood you now carry more wisdom and emotional maturity.​

Your past self was working with limited information.

Fewer tools and more pressure than you probably remember.

Maybe you acted out of fear.

Maybe you were trying to keep the peace.

Maybe you genuinely didn’t know a better way.

When you hold that version of you to your current standards?

You’re playing a game you can never win.​

I regularly like to remind myself that my past doesn’t need me.

But my future certainly does.

So give yourself some grace.

Research related to self-compassion shows that treating yourself with kindness after mistakes?

Tends to increase personal responsibility rather than erase it.

Because it creates psychological safety to tell the truth about what happened and to learn from it.

Rather than running or hiding from it.

Forgiveness doesn't mean it didn't matter.

It means you can see what happened more clearly and are keen to grow from it.

Just as many of your cells have been renewed across that time, your inner world has changed too.

Your past self is the one who got you here.

With fewer resources than you have today.

That alone deserves some compassion.​

Now let’s shift to the only place you can actually make things happen

The present moment.

This is where you can make real-time choices.

What you say yes to.

What you walk away from.

What you start and what you keep postponing.​

Your present self needs more than kindness from you.

It needs clear, loving standards.

Accountability isn’t cruel, it’s simply a deeper form of care.

It means aligning your actions with your values.

Not just your mood.

It’s honouring your commitments to yourself.

The way you honour commitments to others.

It’s noticing the moment you begin to negotiate with yourself.

You know, those times you think I’ll start tomorrow or skipping once won’t matter or I’m too tired.

And then actively guiding yourself back to what matters.​

Self discipline becomes easier when your present and future selves are on the same team.

Like when you find real enjoyment or meaning in the process itself.

Carving out time to do something you love.

Going for a long, peaceful walk.

Or giving yourself grace when learning a new skill and letting go of the fixation on perfect outcomes.

Who cares if you screw it up?

It’s new, everything worth doing takes practice.

When you approach it this way the work feels less like punishment and more like self-respect.​

Of all three selves, your present self has the most influence.

You can’t rewrite yesterday and you can’t live ten tomorrows at once.

You can only act now.

And that's exactly where your power lives.

You hear people scream “you only live once” and there’s absolutely some merit to this concept.

Enjoy yourself.

Seize the day.

Make the most of the opportunities in front of you.

Just be mindful of your future self.

It may be true that we only live once but in order to enjoy life to it fullest you need a healthy body and mind.

Without it, you’ll face monumental challenges and struggle to appreciate the experiences and opportunities that come your way.

Take care of both your physical and mental well-being.

This allows you to engage more deeply with the world.

To pursue your passions and build meaningful relationships across a lifetime.

Finally, there’s your future self.

The person you imagine when you think about your goals, dreams and possibilities.

Future you thrives without strict control.

They need flexibility and room to grow.​

Planning matters because it gives you direction.

But life rarely follows a neat, predictable script.

When plans are too rigid, any deviation will feel like failure.

You also rob yourself of so much of the joy that exists in life.

A flexible approach transforms change from a sense of failure into an opportunity for growth.

Viewing it as an update to your path with fresh insights.

The more curious you are and the more information you absorb across time?

The better prepared you are to make the right choices at the right time.

When businesses tackle strategy and scenario planning (imagining multiple possible futures instead of betting everything on one) it helps organisations stay resilient as the world shifts.

Which it inevitably does.

This same principle holds true personally.

Embrace a bit of flexibility in your plans and it allows you to adapt to changing circumstances.

It frees you to seize new opportunities.

And regularly realign with your evolving priorities.

Travel is a perfect example of how this can impact your experience.

When you nail down every aspect of a trip without room for spontaneity or opportunity?

You miss those sliding doors moments that make travel such an exhilarating experience.

No one tells stories about the time everything went perfectly and as expected.

The greatest stories (and the moments you savour) stem from the unexpected adventures and unplanned detours.

It's in those moments of uncertainty and surprise that you discover the essence of a place and create memories that last a lifetime.

Embracing the unknown often leads to the most rewarding experiences.

Turning a simple trip into a remarkable journey.

Just as your cells will continue to renew and your body will adapt to new challenges.

Your perspective, values and desires keep evolving too.

Your job today isn’t to lock your future self into a single outcome.

It’s to move in the direction that feels true in this moment.

While trusting that you can update, refine and redirect as you go.​

I’m not talking about abandoning ambition.

I’m talking about leaving space for evolution.​

And giving yourself the chance to experience moments that energise you.

Here’s how I’ve turned the three-selves philosophy into something you can actually live and not just think about.

If you’ve been reading this newsletter for a while you’ll recognise that it’s about starting small and stacking your wins:

Reframe one past regret: Pick one memory that still stings. Instead of “Why was I so foolish?”, ask “What was I trying to protect or achieve back then with the information I had?” Then name one thing you’ve learned because of that experience. This moves you from self-attack to self-understanding, which is win in itself and a basis for growth.

Choose one standard for today: Decide on a single, concrete action that reflects who you want to be now. Send that message you’ve been avoiding. Take a 20-minute walk. Pick up that instrument. Prepare that healthy meal. Treat it as non-negotiable for today only. Once done, acknowledge the win and how it feels. Then build from there. Small, lived wins build self-trust faster than any grand plan.​

Loosen one future plan: Find one area where you’ve been clinging to a specific outcome or timeline. Like a job title, a relationship milestone or your lifestyle. Then ask, “What is the real value beneath this?” Allow yourself to brainstorm three alternate ways you could bring this to life. That simple exercise develops flexibility and reduces anxiety in those moments when life doesn’t go to plan. Which it ​inevitably won’t.

None of us are one static person who has to get everything right across every moment we exist.

We’re a moving continuum.

We make mistakes.

We make decisions that we’ll later reconsider.

We grow and change over time.

It's important to give yourself the grace to evolve and learn from your experiences.

Understanding that each moment is an opportunity for self-discovery.

Biologically, most of you has already changed.

Psychologically, you’re still changing.

Your past self deserves compassion for doing the best they could with less awareness.

Your present self deserves your full, courageous participation in the current moment.

Your future self deserves the grace of flexibility and space for possibility.​

When you stop treating each version of you the exact same way?

Something powerful shifts.

The guilt about your past softens.

Action in the present feels less rigid.

The future stops feeling like an exam you might fail.

It starts feeling like a landscape you get to explore.​

If you take nothing else from this concept?

Take this.

Just as our bodies renew over time, we’re allowed to shift and change through the years.

Treat your past self with forgiveness, your present self with honesty and your future self with flexibility.

That’s how regret loosens its grip and the brighter side of your life stops being an idea.

And starts becoming the way you live.

In this video, Harvard psychologist Dan Gilbert reveals why we consistently underestimate how much we'll change over time (and why that matters for the decisions we make today):

Imagine standing on a vast, frozen plain.

One where the ice cracks and shifts beneath your feet and a knife‑cold wind cuts through every layer.

One where the world feels silent but the challenge immense.

And utterly indifferent to anything you’d experienced.

For Ernest Shackleton, this situation presented a moment of choice.

Not one about glory or conquest.

But about a simple, stubborn promise.

That he would bring every man home.

In 1914, Shackleton set out to cross Antarctica, chasing a dream of exploration that sat at the edge of what seemed humanly possible.

Instead, his ship was destroyed.

His route erased and his mission transformed into something much harder.

Keeping 28 men alive in one of the harshest environments on Earth.

On paper, the expedition had failed.

In human terms, it became one of history’s great stories of optimism and leadership under pressure.

A powerful lesson to anyone who has watched a carefully laid plan fall apart.

Shackleton’s ship, Endurance, became trapped in pack ice in the Weddell Sea and had drifted, locked in place, for months.

The ice eventually crushed the hull.

Forcing the men to abandon ship and camp on floating ice blocks in temperatures that could freeze exposed skin in minutes.

They faced brutal cold, limited rations and no clear path to safety.

Just shifting ice and vast, dangerous seas on every side.

Any one of these factors could have destroyed morale, but Shackleton kept returning to a simple commitment in his mind.

Everyone would survive.

And they would all return home together.

What stands out is not a single moment of bravery, but a pattern.

Shackleton treated optimism as a daily discipline.

Not a feeling that simply comes and goes.

He created routines.

Insisted on shared meals.

Encouraged jokes and games.

Keeping a watchful eye on those who were struggling.

Often rotating duties and living arrangements to defuse tension before it grew.

He regularly acknowledged the reality they faced as a group.

The unpredictable ice, the hunger, the uncertainty.

Constantly directing his crew’s attention to the next possible step rather than the impossibility of the whole situation.

In his own way, he rationed hope as carefully as he did food.

He understood that a sense of purpose can be as life‑saving as any piece of equipment.

When the ice finally broke up, providing a possible path out.

Shackleton led his men in open lifeboats across freezing, violent seas to a barren place called Elephant Island.

Finally, they had solid ground under their feet again.

But found themselves still with no shipping lanes nearby, no radio and no realistic chance of being discovered by accident.

Shackleton selected a small group and set off again in one of the boats on an 800‑mile journey to South Georgia Island.

Navigating some of the world’s roughest waters with a tiny vessel and limited resources.

This voyage is still regarded as one of the greatest feats of small‑boat navigation and survival ever recorded.

After reaching South Georgia, he and two companions then crossed its uncharted, mountainous interior on foot.

They finally reached a whaling station which must have felt like a frozen oasis and organised a rescue.

Still, it took several attempts to reach his men.

Sea ice and storms providing yet another challenge, before he finally returned to Elephant Island.

Remarkably, every man was still alive when the rescue ship appeared.

Nearly two years after they had found themselves stranded.

In the end, Shackleton never crossed Antarctica.

Instead, he achieved something far more profound.

He kept his promise to his entire crew.

That is leadership.

Both the ice and era of his story might feel distant, but the emotional terrain is very familiar.

Plans derailed. Futures uncertain. Responsibilities heavy.

Shackleton’s story provides countless lessons you can take forward with you today:

Hold one clear, life‑giving intention: Shackleton focused on saving every life, and that intention shaped every decision. When things feel overwhelming? Choosing one guiding aim such as protecting your health, supporting your family or acting with integrity can steady your focus.

Practice visible optimism: He used conversations, routines and humour to keep spirits up. Even when the situation was grim. Visible optimism means choosing to speak to what is possible aloud, often. So others can borrow strength when theirs is low.

Break the impossible into the next step: Crossing Antarctica shifted to simply surviving the night. Then reaching Elephant Island. Then making the boat journey. Then crossing the mountains. When a goal feels impossible? Zoom right in. The next step, the next conversation, the next action. Focus on what you can do immediately. Then gradually, the path forward will become clearer.

Protect your crew: Shackleton observed his men’s emotional state and reshuffled tasks and tent mates to support those under strain. You can offer something similar by checking in on colleagues, friends or family and making simple adjustments that can help them carry a heavy load.

What moves my heart about Ernest Shackleton is not only that he survived, but the kind of person he chose to be in the middle of a storm.

He stood between brutal reality on one side and a fierce commitment to his people on the other.

And refused to set either one down.

He didn’t deny the danger they faced or romanticise the hardship.

He saw it clearly and still chose to show up every day with as much courage, care and creativity as he could find.

His story shows that optimism isn’t a trait reserved for a lucky few.

It’s a practice.

A habit you can learn and share with others.

The habit of asking, even in the hardest times, “What’s the next step I can take, and how can I help someone beside me take it with me?”

This kind of resilience rarely looks dramatic in real time.

Most of the time it looks like adjusting your plan or starting another conversation.

Offering a calm word or simply picking yourself up and trying again.

So perhaps the question we can all take away is this.

Where in your life does the ground feel a little like thin ice.

Uncertain, noisy, not fully in your control.

And what is one small, positive action you can take today that will keep you moving forward.

And confidently reassure your crew that you’re all in this together?

The following video captures the big picture of the Endurance expedition and why it’s still called “The greatest survival story in history”:

I first came across Sam Fender a few years back.

Drawn in by a handful of songs with catchy lyrics and melodies that quickly stuck in my head.

At the time, I remember wondering who he was and why does his music feel so instantly familiar?

Fast‑forward to his latest album, People Watching, and it’s clear he’s not just writing great songs anymore.

He’s stepped into a whole new level of artistry.

This is one of those albums that grabs you from the first note and doesn’t let go.

Becoming a staple in my regular rotation.

People Watching feels like a full‑length story told through music.

It’s observant and deeply human.

Sam writes about everyday people, small towns, longing, and the weight of modern life.

And he wraps it up in big, cinematic soundscapes that make you feel like you’re right there with him.

It’s remarkable how effortlessly it pulls you in.

After just one or two listens, you’ll find yourself humming or singing along to choruses that feel fresh and familiar.

Like songs you’ve known forever.

Perfect for a long drive, a quiet evening at home, or as the soundtrack to a rainy afternoon.

For me, what stands out most is how Sam has expanded his range while staying true to his roots.

There’s still that raw, working‑class storytelling he’s known for, but now it’s layered with instrumentation.

His sound, to my ears, sits somewhere between the heart‑on‑sleeve storytelling of Bruce Springsteen and the atmospheric guitar of The War on Drugs (if you haven’t checked them out yet, they’re well worth a listen).

That blend gives People Watching a timeless quality.

It feels classic and contemporary at the same time.

Like it could belong to several decades at once.

And then I discovered his live energy.

I recently caught a full live show of his on YouTube, and it brilliant.

The way he commands the stage, the band’s tight performance and the crowd’s passion made it obvious.

This is music that’s meant to be felt, not just heard.

I need to see this live and have already decided I will.

The moment tickets are within reach I’ll be there.

While this is an album review, it still sparked a few things within me:

Art that observes deeply can connect powerfully: Sam’s lyrics are full of small details about people and places. That attention to the ordinary is what makes them feel so universal. It’s a reminder that paying close attention to the world around us (our people, our communities, our own inner lives) is a wonderful source of meaning.

Growth often means expanding your range, not changing your core: This album shows an artist who’s clearly grown in confidence and scope but hasn’t lost the values that saw him rise. A powerful model for any personal or professional growth. Evolve, experiment and stretch. But stay grounded in what matters most.

Live experiences can deepen your relationship with art: Watching Sam perform live reminded me how much more layered and emotional music feels in person. It’s a nudge to make space for live shows in our lives. Not just passive listening.

People Watching is such a great album.

The kind of record that shows up exactly when you need it.

It can make a commute feel like a journey, a quiet evening more meaningful and a long drive feel like an adventure.

If you’re in the mood for music that’s emotionally honest and sonically rich, with lyrics that feel like they’re speaking directly to the human experience.

This is a perfect pick.

It makes you want to press repeat, then share it with someone else who needs to hear it.

Trust me, give it a listen.

Want to feel the live show energy? Check out this performance from London Stadium:

Please share; I'm always keen for great suggestions.

There are common habits related to thinking and behaving that drain you.

They feats on your energy, your confidence and ultimately, your joy.

This week’s idea is simple: notice them and choose to let them go.

The five to focus on are trying to please everyone, fearing change, living in the past, putting yourself down and overthinking.

Most of us carry at least one of these without even realising how heavy it feels.

We’re not chasing perfection here, far from it.

It’s more about choosing kindness and presence a little more often.

Every small choice to step away from these patterns makes life feel more spacious and less heavy.

All five come from a very human place.

A desire to feel safe, accepted and in control.

The trouble is, they unknowingly pull you away from your own needs and potential.

Choosing to quit them?

Even in small ways, is an act of true self-respect.

Here are a few small but powerful ways to try this out:

If you slip back into an old pattern (which you will, because you’re human), notice it without judgment and simply choose again.

Small shifts.

Repeated often.

Create real change.

Letting go of these five habits means clearing away what gets in the way of your natural confidence, optimism and potential.

Every time you choose self-trust over people-pleasing, courage over fear and action over overthinking?

Life feels a little lighter and a lot more aligned.

The goal isn’t perfection.

It’s steady progress toward a gentler, brighter way of being with yourself.

Your life can feel lighter than it does right now, and these five things are a powerful place to start.

Transform your daily routine with my specially crafted gratitude journal.

Start (or end) each day with a moment of reflection and positivity.

As you develop daily your gratitude, you're also helping grant wishes to children facing critical illnesses.

It's a powerful cycle of hope and optimism.

🌟 What's Inside:

Ready to embrace the power of gratitude?

Click here to order a copy now!

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